


The Return Journey

by TheWitchInTheWardrobe



Category: Thomas Hawkins Series - Antonia Hodgson
Genre: Brothers, F/M, One Shot, Reconciliation, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:33:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25748950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWitchInTheWardrobe/pseuds/TheWitchInTheWardrobe
Summary: Set at the end of A Death at Fountains Abbey. Pre The Silver Collar.One Shot: Tom and Sam have a heart to heart on the return journey to London.
Relationships: Thomas Hawkins & Sam Fleet, Thomas Hawkins/Kitty Sparks





	The Return Journey

To put it bluntly, the countryside was boring. Everyone in the city talked about the beautiful colours, the fresh air, and the peaceful tranquillity of it. Sam saw none of that. It was just different shades of green stacked up against one another, the air smelt of manure, and it wasn’t peaceful, it was just boring. The countryside as far as Sam could tell was just endless fields, farmsteads, and disgruntled looking Yorkshire folk for whom having a coach pass through their village was the most entertaining thing that had happened to them this year.

Unfortunately for Sam, there was little to do but gaze out of the window at the passing view. The prickly air between Thomas and Kitty on the outbound journey, the one that had caused Kitty to turn back for London had long since evaporated. On the seat across the pair was acting like love-struck teenagers. They occupied their journey with kisses, endless teasing, and private whispers that Sam didn’t want to hear. His parents were not like this, Sam was never aware when they were knocking wood until he had another little sister to tug on his shirt or cling to his ankles. And to be honest he quite liked it that way.

Kitty giggled into her hand at something Tom has whispered in her ear. Sam glanced over at them briefly fighting the urge to roll his eyes. He was happy for them, and even Sam with his uncomfort around public displays of affection knew that they were meant to be together. A perfect match or whatever it was that they said in the coffeehouses when they sang about love. But a small, or actually quite a large part of Sam missed the time Tom and he had spent together on the journey to Fountains. _How many cows in that field?_ Sam hadn’t shown it but he actually really enjoyed those games. He had been trying to play them by himself on the return journey but it wasn’t the same. So instead he stayed silent, which he was good at, and gazed out of the window at the endless nothingness.

_He’s a thief, that’s the only reason he is here._

The words played over in Sam’s head over and over again. He tried to shrug them off, he had tried when he first heard the words from outside the door of their lodgings at Studley, and yet they kept returning to him. And it was true. He had served his purpose at Studley and once they were back home in London he would no longer serve a purpose to them.

_Go home, Sam._

Sam flinched at the memory as if he had been slapped. Tom and Kitty didn’t notice as they were staring out of the opposite window. Kitty’s hands were gripping the ledge of the carriage window and Tom was peering out behind her with a wondrous expression on his face.

Suddenly Tom turned and Sam quickly turned back to his window to hide the fact that he had been staring. He was faster than Tom so the older man didn’t notice.

Tom reached out and tapped Sam on the knee causing the boy to pull away quickly. If Tom was hurt by this then it only showed for a moment in his eyes before he reclaimed the look of wonder he had been wearing.

‘Sam, come look that this’

Tom beckoned Sam over to the window where Kitty moved to make room for him. Kitty pointed out with her gloved finger pointing out into the distance.

There was nothing but flat land as far as the eye could see. Yet more shades of green. But then Sam saw it. It was like a mirage. A huge church, so tall that it was touching the sky stood proud in the middle of the emptiness. Even though it was far away Sam could tell it was big, so big that it felt alien in this landscape. From around the base of the church, there were small puffs of white smoke rising into the air but evaporating before they reached the towers of the church. Sam knew they must be buildings but they were too small to see, which once again attributed to the size and grandeur of the church. Maybe the countryside was not so boring after all.

‘That’s York Minister’ Tom told him ‘impressive isn’t it’

Sam nodded and continued to watch the church. The more Sam stared the more he could see. He would see everything. He always saw everything.

‘Christianity was made the official religion of England there in the time of Constantine’ Tom said. Clearly, something he had learned at Oxford.

Kitty nudged him ‘And the Vikings made it their home while they were plundering the country’ she said with a smug smile on her lips. Sam smiled back. Vikings, he liked the sound of that.

Kitty turned to Tom and raised her eyebrows to say _My fact was better than yours_ and _Sam doesn’t care about that_.

‘Can we stop there?’ Sam asked

Tom and Kitty both shook their head ‘maybe another time’ Tom shrugged and retook his seat in the coach.

_Maybe another time_.

Sam too retook his seat feeling a little bit warmer inside.

_He’s a thief, that’s the only reason he is here._

People were confusing. You could peel back the skin and see how their organs worked, even their heart but you could never really work out a person. To say it frustrated Sam was an understatement, and Sam showed his frustration the same way he did the majority of his emotions, indifference.

_He’s not my valet, he’s my brother._

So confusing.

* * *

Once they had passed York the weather had turned. Great thrashes of rain bounded off the roof of the coach. They would not be able to travel much further. The wheels of the carriage were already creating waves of mud as they rolled through the Yorkshire countryside.

The coach driver told them that they had to stop for the evening, to save the horses from getting stuck in the mud. That was how they found themselves pulling into a small village and an Inn the coach driver said he knew well.

The Inn was small and due to the heavy downpour, it was also incredibly busy. The whole Inn was warm with crowded bodies and the stick of sweat and fresh rain. Due to the demand, the landlord was taking the opportunity to charge extra for rooms. Tom had tried to haggle but Kitty tired and uncomfortable in her soggy shoes paid the asking price and had their things carried upstairs. They were located on the top floor, with Tom and Kitty in an attic bedroom at the top of the house and Sam across the hall in a small cupboard room. Sam was grateful for his own space. He needed a break from all the public displayed of affection.

They ate downstairs, finding a table by a window, not that they could see anything out of the window. The night had fallen quickly and the sky was as black as ink. Unlike the city no lights lit the streets, meaning all Sam could see in the window was his own reflection.

As Kitty tucked into her pie as soon as it was placed in front of her Tom stood up to get more drinks. He stared down at Sam’s small beer.

‘Are you sure I can’t get you anything stronger?’

‘This is fine’

‘You know Sam most people actually try to have fun at a celebration’

And what were they celebrating? Ah, yes, the green ledger. The book that would free Tom from the Queen’s service, the book Sam was supposed to find. The only reason he was there. That celebration.

‘This is fine’ Sam repeated.

Tom walked away to the bar to get a punch bowl for Kitty and himself and another small beer for Sam. Alone at the table with Kitty well and truly occupied with her pie Sam couldn’t help but wonder at how comfortable she seemed. Before she would hardly get close to him. He was a Fleet and a murderer, the devil. And yet she had saved his life and now kicked him fondly under the table and told him to eat. Very confusing.

* * *

As the night drew on the Inn began to empty and those with rooms started to retire upstairs. And by midnight Kitty joined them. She stood up and straightened her skirts around her and announced that she was going to bed.

‘I’ll be up in a bit’ Tom half said into his glass of punch.

A knowing look passed between Kitty and Tom before Kitty called ‘goodnight boys’ and disappeared out of the bar and up the stairs.

That knowing look. This was an ambush.

They sat in silence for a while just watching the bar.

Sam went to stand only for Tom to rest a gentle hand on Sam’s wrist to stop him. Despite the gentle nature of the touch Sam still pulled back quickly bringing his hand to rest on his lap.

This time the hurt look in Tom’s eyes was not a brief one and the sight of it made Sam’s chest feel tight. As if someone had placed a large stone on his chest and was pushing down on it with all their weight. Only there was no stone, so this feeling was invalid.

‘I was just wondering’ Tom started carefully ‘if you had reconsidered what we had talked about on the moors?’

Oh, that. _Stay at the pistol and Kitty will put money aside for your education. Do you still want to be a surgeon?_

_He’s a thief, that’s the only reason he is here._

_I’m a Fleet._

‘I’m a Fleet’

Sam thought he saw the disappointment in Tom’s eyes as he repeated the same words he had said on the moors, but he couldn’t be sure.

Tom nodded slowly and took another drink of his punch glass.

What that done then? Conversation over? Business done? They would go back to London and part on okay terms, with Sam having fulfilled his role and Tom and Kitty free to start a life without a Fleet in it.

Sam had once again got up to leave when Tom said ‘is that what you want? Or what you think you should say?’

Sam stared.

‘What do you want, Sam? For yourself? For your life?’ the older man expanded

Sam just stared.

‘Why did you come?’ Tom tried again ‘Why are you here?’

‘I’m a thief, that’s the only reason why I am here’ the words left Sam’s mouth before he could stop himself. It was the fastest and sharpest thing Tom had ever heard Sam say. If each word was a knife every single one of them would have struck.

There was a moment in which Tom absorbed the weight of Sam’s words. In reality, it took only a second for Tom to realise what Sam was talking about. For the realisation to hit him that Sam had overheard his conversation with Kitty, about Sam not being allowed back to the Pistol, about his nature, about him being a Fleet. Tom opened and closed his mouth a few times like a dying fish.

Sam felt anger rise in his chest but he did not show it. Against his wishes a voice pleaded in his head ‘ _Please tell me I am wrong’_ but Tom had been right. _I’m so much more than that._ _Not, to them, you’re not._

‘Sam…’

Here we go.

‘…I didn’t mean it’

Sam shrugged and took a sip from his small beer ‘it’s fine’ he said to appear unbothered.

‘No, I’m sorry….fuck’

Tom rubbed his eyes with the balls of his hands and let out a frustrated groan. The type a man makes when he is angry with himself. By the time he had stopped and drained the contents of his punch glass Tom’s eyes were rimmed red and his expression, for the first time was one of a guilty man.

‘You’re not just a thief’

Oh.

‘I’m sorry I should never have said that. I didn’t mean it’ Tom finally looked at Sam ‘I’m really sorry. Can you forgive me?’

Sam nodded automatically as if his head was attached to a puppet string. In truth, Sam had started forgiving Tom as soon as he had said it back at Studley. A Fleet, not being able to stay mad at someone was a marvel. Sam’s ability to forgive Tom automatically scared him, as did the possibility of it happening again.

_Go home, Sam._

‘Sam, Kitty and I wouldn’t offer to have you live with us if that is what we actually thought of you’

Sam supposed not. Not unless they needed him for something.

‘Was that the only thing stopping you?’ Tom asked ‘for saying yes?’

Sam frowned. He didn’t know how to answer this question so he stayed silent.

‘Do you want to come home with us?’ Tom prompted again. There was a tiredness in his voice, one that Sam knew he was not helping.

‘What do you want?’ Sam asked back

Tom blinked and then said ‘I want you to come back to the Pistol with us’

A ghost smile appeared on Sam’s lips but he nodded to himself to hide it and stared down at his hands. He didn’t want Tom to see how insanely happy this made him. Happiness was one emotion Sam had never learned to mask.

‘What if…?’

Sam never got to finish the question.

‘I will never turn you away again’ each word was laced with so much certainty that Tom may as well have been saying that the sky was blue.

‘Okay’ Sam was saying this more to himself to Tom but it served the purpose anyway.

‘Okay?’

‘Okay,’ Sam confirmed.

‘You’ll come back with us?’

‘Yes’

One word and it was settled.

Tom didn’t try to hide his joy and the bigger his smile became the harder Sam found it to hide his.

‘Does this mean I can have a hug? Or that going too far?’

Sam grimaced and Tom laughed.

‘Well’ Tom clapped his hands on the edge of the table ‘I think we should call it a night before you realise you only agreed to live with us because of your head wound’

Sam touched the wound at the back of his head ‘at least you don’t need a head wound to make stupid decisions’

Tom touched his chest in mock offense and stood up from the table laughing. Tom settled the bill at the bar and together they walked up the stairs towards the attic landing.

When they reached the top floor Tom pulled Sam into a hug. Sam stayed with his arms rooted to his side but if he closed his eyes for a moment no one had to know.

‘Goodnight Sam’ Tom smiled as he pulled away

‘Night’ Sam muttered quietly before slipping into his room, shutting the door and letting out a sigh.

_He’s not my valet, he’s my brother._


End file.
